My dad is better than your dad

Real facebook chat with my father:

Me:
happy birthday tomorrow

Dad:
thanks..
Oh do you want me to get mom for you???

Me:
>.< no

Dad:
So whoa re you with? WhAt are you having for supper
Do you have clean underwear on?
Did you clean your room

Me:
Some prostitutes I found on the corner.. some crack for dinner.. and no and no

Dad:
Is your jacket warm enough
thats nice..

Me:
I woudln't know, i can't tell with all of the illegal substances in me?

Dad:
Just flush it through your system with 30 yr old scotch

Me:
I approve

Dad:
I think I will get mom as she is a better conversationist

Me:
NO

Dad:
LMAO!
She jsut asked me who I am chatting with..What do I tell her? I told an old classmate

Me:
Thanks. I appreciate it

Dad:
Dinner is done...Better hide before she she you..
CYA

Me:
kk. have a good time

Dad:
48 yrs ago I came out of Grandma Helen's vigina
EWWWWWWWW!

Me:
YUCK